Interview with Bereavement Counselor on Coping with Loss

Announcing on the right an ongoing audio of interviews with Professionals in the Elder Care arena! We are very excited about offering these free tips and information to you via our blog, our Caregiver Directory, our On-the-Go Toll Free Caregiver's Helpline 1-888-797-7806, and iTunes. Cool, huh? Now your not stuck grappling for family caregiver tips and resources when you REALLY need them!

We have all experienced the loss of a special someone and know how difficult it is to gain peace of mind. Even before passing, the knowledge and pain of future loss is gut wrenching. I know for myself when learning of my mom's near passing, I thought I couldn't bear it! I cried for days. It hurt. Even after 4 years, I continue to miss her tremendously. As for my dad, I grieved his loss before he died. He lived with Alzheimer's the latter years of his life and his passing was a blessing... for him primarily.

Join us often! Listen to our key interviews and pick up tips and good information that's valuable in making elder care and aging decisions. Believe me, you'll be glad you did.

A Panel of Texas Caregivers

The Austin Groups for the Elderly sponsored a Caregiver's Conference this weekend. During the conference a panel of Austin Caregivers were interviewed about their experience of caring for a loved one. I picked up some useful tips that I want to share with you. I hope you too find them helpful!

The caregivers interviewed on the panel (all) cared or in the process of caring for an aging parent. There was one who also cared for a husband disabled by a stroke. This particular caregiver had 2 recipients, living with her and receiving her undying care. I commend her and those of you in same situation. While caring for an aging relative is challenging, adding another care recipient such as a spouse or children would bring anyone over the top! And I don't mean exhileration either!!

The Texas caregivers shared what they learned while helping with a loved one. List below are those useful tips (not necessarily listed in ranking:

Get long term or extended care insurance
Acknowledge those who help, your partner, children, friends, family
Meditate/Pray
Do you homework on available resources, help, and health issues
Get exercise
Contact hospice before you need them
Read - The Thirty Six Hour Day book
Join a support group
Forgive yourself and your shortcomings
Our mistakes are forgotten (esp when dealing with Alz)
Accept change of roles
Respect the elder and expect others to do the same
Appreciate the day

Discern how much you can do - if you can't handle some aspects of caregiving, hire someone, or ask for help from friends, family, and your own children.

Take care of yourself

Take mini-breaks

Nourish yourself

Find resources

Get away after long spells of caregiving - plan a get-away, this will give you something to look forward to while in the throes of looking after a loved one

Challenge authorities in charge - doctors, PTs, nurses, etc.

Take notes and get clarification.

Ask questions

Challenge the system

And remember to call for answers to common concerns of aging - 24 hours a day 1-888-797-7806! Thank you for visiting, Carol.

Care for the Caregiver

Have you noticed how some people make caregiving look really hard while other's breeze through tasks? That's how it was with my sisters. I watched both administer loving care and concern for my parents. Janice made it really, really hard, while Virginia made the most of it and rarely showed frustration!

Hmm, I'd wonder? How does Virginia do it so easily while Janice struggles with each moment, dreading each visit! It was written all over her face. And Virginia literally walked on air.. smiling! WOW! I wanted that too! So, I simply observed Virginia and decided to follow along. Here are some things I picked up and want to share with you:

Upon assigning a "care task" to one of the siblings, she'd walk away, totally letting it go, giving full responsibility to that person/sibling. She no longer owned it! Virginia "let go" and went on to do her plans. She did this so eloquently, I often thought she needs to teach us her skill!

My sister, Janice, was the opposite. She obsessed with mom & dad's care. Never letting go - never trusting us to do it right. It was rare that she walked away.. if she did, it was begrudgingly. I guess she thought she was the only one who could do it right! So, what happened? No breaks for her! And guess what? She was always exhausted and complained a lot. Eventually, she developed high cholestrol & shingles! Ugh! That literally forced her out of caring for him for a month.

Consider these tips when you want to take care of yourself - I picked these up from watching Virginia!

Have fun and laugh - as often as possible
Avoid talking about dad and he care when socializing
Delegate some responsibilities and let them own it
Focus on something good in your life
She learned the difference between complaining for the sake of relief and complaining for the sake of... well you know
Had no problem admitting helplessness
Virginia gave a lot of support AND she learned to accept.. sometimes demanded, help without being over-bearing
She found her own peaceful spot and went there often
Openly admitted her inability without shame
And she tried to be gentle with herself!
Loves to play!

And remember to call the Caregiver's Resource Helpline! 1-888-797-7806 - for common concerns of aging!

Thank you for visiting!

Other Things to Consider When Assessing an Elder

If your hiring a professional geriatric nurse to complete an assessment with the elder in your life or filling out forms with your parents, be prepared to spend from three hours to potentially a couple of days. Either can take considerable time. What factors should be considered doing taking a closer look the aging relative's life? A thorough assessment should include the following:

Health - Physical & Mental

Has the elder been diagnosed with any chronic diseases such as diabetes, high blood pressure, arthritis, congested heart failure? Or maybe illnesses such as bladder or bowel problems are evident or another form of heart disease, stroke, cancer? Does the elder have allergies? Make sure they, with your help track weight loss or gain. Do they have problems with incontinence? Unless you spend some time with them, that one may be difficult to detect. Do they have a balance problem? Notice their skin color or growths, see changes? Persistent fatigue or sleeplessness? Swollen feet or legs, or they limping? Vision problems sucfh as cataracts, or do they require vision aids to help them read or see? Can they hear you or do they ask you to repeat what was just said? Dental problems; gum disease, strongbreath, ill-fitting dentures? List their vital signs and health professionals currently being seen. Recent hospitalizations?

Mental assessment can include: Are they diagnosed with having psychiatric disorders, depression, anxiety disorder? Diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or other dementia? How alert are they? Have you or other family members noticed mood swings? Forgetfulness or wandering off? Are they confused or/disoriented? Do they seem sad or lonely? Decreased interest in reading, writing, and communicating? How well do they maintain friends? Or have an interest in life?

Using medications; all medicines taken, both prescription and/or over-the-counter, with times per day and doses. Are they taking the medications as directed and know how to avoid negative interactions. And do they understand the barriers to proper medicine use such as forgetfulness, expense, poor understanding of why they've been prescribed.

Daily living: Are they mobile or do they need walking aids? Special dietary needs, do they have favorite foods? Ability to dress, bathe, get up from a chair, use a toilet, use the phone, climb stairs, get help in an emergency, shop, prepare meals, do housework and yard work, drive safely.

Home and community safety: the neighborhood. Home safety - what are the hazards, adaptive aids needed, presence of alarms for burglary or fire. Ability to avoid telephone fraud and door-to-door fraud. Is the yard and house maintained?

These are a items that my family put together when we began to look closely at our parent's lives. You'll come up with your own too.

Check out Travis County's Caregiver's Resource Helpline - 1-888-797-7806. A good place to learn more infomation on assessing an elder's life and learn about care.

Dreaming about the Future

Now may be a good time to dream about how you want your life to live out! Are you in the middle of helping your parent's plan their elder care? If so, consider looking at your own life while researching their's. You won't regret it!

What do you dream of when you think about living out your life? Do you think about it? I do! And it's going to be a lot more pleasant than my own parent's end of life.. one can only hope and dream, right? But what about your's? How different or how similar will it be to your parent's? Their life may be a lot different than my own mom and dad's. Hopefully, a bit better.

If we prepare, we can live out our lives according to plan. Now, that's the key. Consider testing the grounds with your parent's elder care planning. This will be your test or IQ on the future. As you and your aging parents prepare for their lives down the road, use it as a road map for your own. You may not have the opportunity to take things slowly in your aging relative's elder care plan but if you start now on your own, it's a blessing in disguise.

It's thrilling to hear stories of colleagues and friends telling me they want their adult children to have a different experience of aging parents. I know I want that for my adult children. Attending a caregiving conference this weekend, many folks I spoke with were seeking solutions for their relatives. And some added... "for myself too". They were getting prepared so that their adult children would not be forced in a position to "be" where they are with aging parents.

It's a tough spot to be in.. believe me. But you don't have to be there. The best solution out of that very unpleasant situation is to "PLAN NOW!!!" Was that loud enough? When you're out there looking at solutions for your own parent's... take it to heart for you're own life. Do for yourself what you're doing for them.

First step; have the conversation! Talk about the inevitable! Aging! I know we want to sweep it under the carpet but you CAN'T! It's the elephant that won't go away. It'll get bigger and meaner. But if you deal with it now that elephant will be cut down to manageable bits.

Take this number with you - save it to your cell - you never know when you might need an answer to aging: 1-888-787-7806! That's the Caregiver's Resource Helpline and visit WorkingCaregiver.com!

Elder Checklist - Things to Watch Out For

If you have an elder in your life and are concerned whether they can care for themselves or live alone without someone overseeing their care, you might want to take a closer look at the elder's life and use the following as a guide when assessing "where" the elder is in caring for him/herself.

Can he/she dress or undress without help?

Can he/she cook for themselves?

Are they eating well?

Are they maintaining a good, healthy weight?

Are they managing their medications?

Does he/she care about maintaining cleanliness?

Do they care about their health?

Can he/she move around their house easily?

Are they active? And do they have a hobby or friends?

What's their attitude like?

How well are they managing household duties?

Are they able to manage their yards?

Can they be left alone?

Are they managing finances and able to pay bills on time?

Can they able to shop for food?

Are they able to make doctor appointments?

If you find yourself concerned about one or two of these issues, you may need to address these with your elder family member or friend. Get him/her involved in problem solving this concern.

Another great resource is the Caregiver's Helpline: 1-888-797-7806.. Call now for resolving common concerns of aging.

Thank you for visiting. Carol

Considering a Will?

We rarely consider putting a will in place until an emergency occurs or a close encounter with one. But some things to think about before you do.

There is no specific age when people decide they need to prepare a will, lawyers say they're often visited by new parents and the elderly. Parents prepare wills because they need to designate guardians for their children in the event they die.

Maybe you're taking a vacation without your children, and may be confronted with thoughts of what would happen if you perished on the trip.

You can purchase a kit at Office Retail store and complete the paperwork yourself. But you may want to have a will prepared by an attorney who can draft the will for you.

I believe one of the most difficult decisions is choosing guardians. This seems to be the most important aspect of a will - to designate who you want to be taking care of your kids. in the event you can no longer care for them. If you don't designate someone to care for your children and both parents die, custody could be awarded to someone who you might not want.
And of course, it's important to discuss the subject with those you've selected as guardians.

End-of-life issues and life-saving measures are also challenging subjects to discuss. If you face terminal illnesses in the future, heroic measures will not be taken. Measures will be taken, though, to save your life if you're in a car crash.

You will find a great sense of relief once you've signed the will.

Food for thought - advice from my attorney - try not using using Internet sites or software programs to draft a will. Preparing a will using those tools is subject to greater challenges when the will is submitted to probate. Some of those work but many of them can create havoc or horror shows. And besides an attorney raises issues and questions that you've never considered.

For additional help call 1-888-797-7806 for the most common concerns of Financial & Legal Assistance.

Thank you for visiting. Carol at Workingcaregiver.com