Are You in a Mid-life Tug?

Do you find yourself rushing around during day? Trying to beat the traffic to work, driving kids to school, fumbling with lunches, back packs, and brief cases, when you get the call. Dad's in the emergency room, alone, scared, and stressed - "please come home, I need you," he pleads.

But "home" is 200 or more miles away, and it'll take you hours to get there plus the home health aide you'll have to hire, will set you back $400 at least.

And what about work? There's a major business deal you're about to close this afternoon. You're worried about your dad, the kids, the boss and how in the world you can pay for it all.

Welcome to the world of family caregiving! You're now a part of the sandwich generation with all the trimmings. And don't even think about how little you've saved for retirement at this point in your life. Yep, you need help.

The good news is, there's plenty of it out there - if you know where to look!! Now, that's another topic. But there is help. There are programs to national organizations, from books to Web sites - all there for you to research and a huge industry has sprung up to assist in juggling the demands of raising kids while also caring for aging parents.

I wish I had paid more attention when my dad or mom landed in E.R. I guess resources were a bit hard to locate or maybe I thought "the family" had to handle it alone. It was our job. Beside mom and dad expected that of us... we owe it to them. Maybe that's why I didn't bother. But had I known back then what I do today.. it would be different. And a couple of things I'd do now are:

1. Bring up "the aging" conversation with parents early on - get them engaged with you in finding viable and quality solutions that'll help them so you're not left carrying the bag.
2. Call a family meeting and get everyone else engaged. It's better down the road.. eliminates future stress, anxiety, and family estrangement. Trust me, it happened to mine and I'm not sure that can be healed.
3. Do your research now. Get a plan in place. Talk with an attorney about legal matters and estate planning. Take the time to find local resources while your parents are still able. Resources are popping up everywhere due to the explosion of aging America.
4. Financially plan with them - so your parents have one? If not, take measures on learning how to do that.
5. Do it now! Learn about the most common aging topics of interest which include; physical and mental conditions of aging, living arrangements, financial & legal assistance, self help for the caregiver, and dealing with changes.

WorkingCaregiver.com is headed in that direction. We'll keep you posted. Thank you for visiting! Carol

Is Caregiving Impacting You Financially?

The costs of caregiving can effect our career goals, our paychecks, our retirement, our health, our stress, our emotions, when we choose to care for elderly parents.

Is caregiving disapprotionately impacting women? While the emotional and physical burdens of taking care of an aging parent or relative is known, the longterm cost financially of informal caregiving is less frequently discussed. Caregivers may feel guilty complaining about what society has said should be a labor of love. And this is the tough one... the guilt we feel when we've had enough. Overloaded with our own lives and jobs, elder care is a huge undertaking. Just trying to care for an aging parent takes on a life of its own, much less trying to juggle my own household, family, and work.

The problem is pervasive and disproportionately affects women, creating a public policy challenge. Females generally have less money and live longer and are more likely than men to be the caregiver-and to need one.

Amy Friedrich-Karnik, a spokesperson for Family Caregiver Alliance says, "women tend to suffer financially in their later years because of the financial impact caregiving has had on them." I personally have first hand experience with that one. Scaling down my job from full-time to part-time to help mom with her CHF disease made a big dent in my income and retirement savings. No doubt about that. But I can also say, I've seen many men carry the load of caregiving for their aging families. But typically, it's women who normally step up. My brother didn't. And there are many families with that scenario. But not all men/women are the same. Thank goodness.

Between 59 percent and 75 percent of the caregivers are female. While more men are carrying the load, women, on average, give 50 percent more time than the average male caregiver, according to the Family Caregiver Alliance.

Nationally, one-third of caregivers who are employed take a leave of absence or give up work temporarily or permanently.

I personally lost thousands of dollars working part-time and my sister suffered a great deal of stress eventually developing high cholesterol and getting a bad case of shingles.... ugh!
If the goal is keeping loved ones out of institutionalized settings, informal caregiving provides a means to accomplish that and also save our families a lot of money, not to mention the government. Only 7 percent of older adults who have a long-term care need and a family caregiver are in institutional settings, compared to half of those who have no family available, according to the Family Caregiver Alliance.

There are several solutions that can help caregivers like me to stay at work full-time rather than lessen work hours. Providing caregiving resources to families through employee assistance programs or other employment benefits and having work cultures that support caregivers through flexible work hours also is part of the solution, experts say. A Met Life study found that caregiving costs businesses more than $33 billion annually in lost productivity.
There are some state and federal lawmakers proposing to have paid family leave for caregivers. Only California has such a measure. One measure that has failed to pass Congress is aimed specifically at women; it would give Social Security credits to people who leave the workforce to care for someone.

Other options are tax benefits - but is a caregiver who quits their job more to help an aging relative more deserving of a tax break over a caregiver who continues to work full-time while giving care? That's the big debate.

If you're interested in learning more visit these websites: The U.S. Department of Human Services' Administration on Aging has a 12-page booklet, "Financial Steps for Caregivers." Go to: www.aoa.gov/prof/aoaprog/caregiver/caregiver.asp.

Also visit: Family Caregiver Alliance, http://www.caregiver.org/, giving facts, perspective on caregiver issues, including state-by-state and federal updates on public policy measures.

Thank you for visiting. Carol @ WorkingCaregiver.com

So You're a Caregiver!

Congratulations, you're a caregiver! Welcome to the world of ambiguity and confusion. I'm happy to meet working family caregivers because I know that you understand what caregivers, like me, do and feel each day. We face many moments thinking we're brainless. Not because we're stupid but because elder care is sooooo big and there's soooo much to learn & understand. Just the health issues alone take my breath away and give me headaches.

What's bothersome to me,when meeting people who have never experienced family caregiving, some shrug it off like it's a common chore. It's like having a conversation with a person who doesn't speak my language. Can you imagine telling someone about a rough day at work in English and they only speak and understand Russian? Well, that's what it's like to explain the hardships of caregiving to someone who's never traveled the road.

Here's a quote I read the other day on the Internet... it speaks volumes. “All I hear from my supervisor is that I need to stop letting my personal life affect my business life.” Anonymous male caregiver working full-time.

How does one separate business from personal, when our lives are so related and interdependent? It's not that cut and dry. We have spouses, children, friends, jobs, employers, family, moms & dads.. that all have equal importance to us. It's difficult to put one aside when they're/it's not doing well. Agree? Separate business from personal... isn't it all one? My life!! And it can't be separated, sliced or diced. Trust me, many of us wish caregiving could be put on the shelf. But that's like saying "sorry mom, dad, can't help you out today." Nope, probably won't happen.

Here's a hint: Before talking to the boss about having to take a day off to help mom or dad, be sure you tell them first where you are on a project and how you plan to make up the time lost, especially if the boss has never been in a caregiving role.

WorkingCaregiver.com offers, soon...., many products and solutions to help you balance work, life, and caregiving. It's coming soon... I promise.

Thank you for visiting. Carol

Are You a Caregiver?

It’s rarely possible to pick out a caregiver in a crowd. Why? Because we, who care for loved ones, don’t think we’re fulfilling a role! It’s just part of who we are as daughters, sons, sisters, moms or dads! And it’s what we do. We care for the ones we love.
If you’re a person who provides needed help to an aging or infirmed loved one, supplying emotional support, physical assistance, financial assistance, and many other types of care, regardless of the situation, you’re a caregiver.

Family caregivers are the immediate family, relatives by blood, marriage, or adoption, partners, or close friends who directly provide care, manage the care of, or pay for the care of people who need medical and non-medical assistance, emotional support, and advocacy because they are ill, disabled, or aged and frail.

Caregivers dedicate, on average, 20 hours per week to provide care for older persons and even more time when the older person has multiple disabilities.

Forty-one percent of caregivers have children, too. Part of the "sandwich generation," many women will spend more years caring for a parent than they do raising a child. Caregivers of the elderly spend an average of $279 per month on care-related activities.

Since we’ve determined ‘who’ caregivers are, in a day or two, check back - we'll look at some things to think about as you begin your caregiving process.

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Great Place to Work for Family Caregivers

Now that's a topic I want to see addressed more often. If you're a working family caregiver, what would some of your expectations be? I know what mine are!! First, I want to be acknowledged that it's tough. I don't want sympathy (but that would be nice), it would be great if my HR Benefit's manager would give me the respect that we caregivers deserve.

How many of you are given empathy and hear the words, "I know it's tough and your family must appreciate all you're doing, but we have a job to do here." When I hear that, it's like all those good vibes you poured my way went down the toilet.

One day I asked the HR manager if we, the family caregivers, could set up a support group at lunch just to share the treasures we've found that help us save time and energy.. the ones that help us balance our lives?

"You know, we wish you could, but that's against company policy. If we allow one group to meet on site, then we're opening ourselves up to all sorts of issues."

Hmmm... I wonder what those issues are? I thought quietly. Then asked, "well, can we at least send one another an email sharing our resources?"

"No, that's company property, you can't use it for personal usage."

Okay, I thought to myself... I guess you just want us to spend time away from our tasks to do online research while we're sitting at our desks!! And if we can't share our information that means you can multiply that non-productivity by at least 25 other employees doing the same research!

Huh?

Celebrating Dad

This week is dedicated to celebrating dad! It's over a month ago that he passed from my world unto a better one. I know it's better than the one he lived in for several years... especially the last one. He lived with Alz, wheel chair bound, incontinent, unable to feed or care for himself in any way, really. Remembering him this way brings tears to my heart.

I'd prefer remembering the quiet man who could fix anything he got his hands on; cars, houses, toilets, little girls broken dreams... he did that one time in my life.. he ended that sweet conversation with, "The only thing important Carol is that you are happy. That's all." Oh, how I loved that time spent with him. When I didn't know it all and he found some time just for me. There were four siblings so his time and energy was limited. And there was the full-time job too. And fixing things around the house. All took his time and attention.

He was a silent man and always available to his family. That was the most important thing in his life, being there and ready to help us anyway he possibly could. Aren't dad's great?

I miss my dad. Through-out the years I didn't pay much attention to showing him my love. Now I wish I had made more a point to express my heart to him. He deserves the best, where ever he is. "The only thing important dad is that you are happy. That's all."

Your loving daughter,
Carol

Caregiving Made Easy - A Survival Kit for New Caregivers

Preparing for the Caring Journey

I look back on the past six years spent caring for Mom and Dad-worrying myself incessantly, hoping for a miracle in vain, denying reality stubbornly. I think to myself: How could I have better prepared to brace this gut-wrenching time? My family passed up the plethora of Internet articles, books, magazines, and more that could have guided us in a healthier direction, something we yearned for once mom and dad fell ill. Today, I look to the internet for vital information. Others, like my sister, consult the volumes of books available. Really, it is your choice, but a wide variety of mediums will give you the most well-rounded perspective. Online training, teleclasses, and professional consultation are among the avenues available to you, the family caregiver. No method is superior to the other, but together they may equip you with the tools necessary to persevere.

Now you are the family caregiver, you have many options to help you deal with it. That’s what happened to me: an abrupt change-of-life role fell into my lap. For you, it may be slowly creeping in like an ominous storm, ready to descend upon you in full wrath. Whichever way it is or has happened, compassion is the key. I put mom’s needs in front
of my own, providing me enrichment and fulfillment on an unexpected and uncharted level.

The years pass, mistakes are made, lessons are learned. We fall in love, sometimes it fades. We embark on a career path, sometimes its intrinsic value dissolves. In life, the most crucial events entail the most potential heartbreak or the most profound happiness. I remember my father losing all his monetary assets in the late 1980s after his real estate investments faltered, throwing his entire livelihood into disarray. Life throws us curveballs. Always. Fortunately, we don’t always have to swing at them alone, instead we can join together and learn from one another so we can heal both our torn relationships and our conflicted selves.

It is totally normal to lose your identity as you begin to struggle with the daily requirements you are expected to satisfy as the family caregiver.. The role envelopes your whole being—you obsess over it, fight the guilt, wallow in the pain. Much of the time, your new position is more frightening than the initial diagnosis. I remember those years my father spent caring for his mother, perhaps because I spent that time without a father. I would see him on the porch many nights just staring into space. He was overwhelmed and scared. You do not have to be like him. You are not alone, and others need your help as much as you may need theirs.

Workingcaregiver.com can be your first step to a smoother, less stressful endeavor. Encouraging the acquisition of necessary information, it strives to help you better understand your loved one’s diagnosis and possible avenues of treatment. Arming yourself with these tools will quickly develop unequivocally strong and effective self-advocacy skills. Attaining quality healthcare must always be the primary goal and ultimate priority and, if this vision is maintained, a superior quality of life for all involved will be achieved.

Workingcaregiver.com will announce it’s Caregiving Made Easy book in the near future. What you’ll learn from our book:

How to be an advocate
Improving Doctor/Patient Communications
Learn how to better understand your elder’s illness
Empowerment for family caregivers
Protect your health
Dealing with stress
Overcome guilt
Reach out for respite
Tips on caring for elders
Safety tips

This book is all inclusive. If you find that you’re struggling with other topics and would like to learn more about dealing and living an easier caregiving life, please contact me by visiting http://www.workingcaregiver.com/ or simply send an email to carol@workingcaregiver.com.

Please know that I’ve been there. The road of caregiving is difficult, challenging and hard. Workingcaregiver.com has gathered many experts who are ready to make your role as a caregiver lighter.

When people hear "caregiver," they often think only of professional caregivers – nurses, nursing assistants, and home health aides. In fact, most caregivers are family members or friends. Caregivers are anyone who gives assistance to another adult who is ill, disabled, or needs some help. They may be the daughter who moves in with her ailing mother, the neighbor who stops by to check on an older friend, or the man who drives his mother-in-law to her doctor visits.

The caregiver may live in the same house, in a nearby town, or even in another state. The care may range from modest tasks to heavy-duty, round-the-clock assistance. And, while each person's experience is unique, this book consolidates tips to follow for common challenges that many new caregivers face.

Many people who don't think of themselves as "caregivers" are nevertheless providing regular ongoing care for older friends or relatives. The challenges they face can be daunting. But by being prepared and informed, caregivers can make it easier to meet their own and their loved ones' needs.

Wishing you the best!

WorkingCaregiver.com