The Buzz on Caregiving Burnout

Most family caregivers are thrown into the endeavor of helping their aging mom, dad, grandparent or relative soon after a senior event. That's what happened to me and my siblings. That's probably, as those of you who have experienced, is the worst time to start searching for elder care issues and solutions. Think about it, if you wait till after a senior event to do your research, aren't your elder care decisions based on emotion rather than a prudent, well thought out plan for the ones you love?

Many of us ignore that ever looming endeavor - caring for an aging relative as long as possible. Why? Because who wants to admit to aging and getting old? Not me! I hate the fact that I'm over 50! There's so much stigma in our society on growing old. Isn't that why we're so interested in topics on ageless and the fountain of youth? I had a friend tell me the other day, she plans to live to 120! I don't know about you but that's a ghastly image!

Well, for me as a family caregiver while working full-time and living at a distance wanted to avoid aging as much as possible. But because I avoided it and did not prepare myself or my family for it, created a huge mess of challenges, stress, and confusion. And not to mention the emotion that shades any good decision.

First, let me say aging and caring for an elder is inevitable and it is in your future. So, accept it. Once that's accomplished, you are half way there to making your caregiving days less stressful and eventally will not experience caregiver burnout easily. This is step one of getting prepared.

There are many valuable resources available to us and that will make your life as a working family caregiver easier. Our website delivers a weekly newsletter called CareBuZZ that's delivered for free to your email inbox on a weekly basis. It's loaded with targeted solutions for elder care. Save it for later or use those tips now. It's yours for free simply sign up at our website Workingcaregiver.com.

And visit here often. More tips on easing the caregiving road ahead. I hope you learn from some of my mistakes and you live stress-less, healther, wiser, and playful. There can't be a better thank you to your aging relative than to see you happier.

Relieving stress in caring,

Carol Marak

Founder, http://www.workingcaregiver.com

Sign up for our CareBuZZ - FREE Newsletter - loaded with tips on living a stress-less, healthier, wiser and playful life as a Caregiver. It's fun and gives you valuable how to's and tips. JUST DO IT.

Celebrating Dad

This week is dedicated to celebrating dad! It's over a month ago that he passed from my world unto a better one. I know it's better than the one he lived in for several years... especially the last one. He lived with Alz, wheel chair bound, incontinent, unable to feed or care for himself in any way, really. Remembering him this way brings tears to my heart.

I'd prefer remembering the quiet man who could fix anything he got his hands on; cars, houses, toilets, little girls broken dreams... he did that one time in my life.. he ended that sweet conversation with, "The only thing important Carol is that you are happy. That's all." Oh, how I loved that time spent with him. When I didn't know it all and he found some time just for me. There were four siblings so his time and energy was limited. And there was the full-time job too. And fixing things around the house. All took his time and attention.

He was a silent man and always available to his family. That was the most important thing in his life, being there and ready to help us anyway he possibly could. Aren't dad's great?

I miss my dad. Through-out the years I didn't pay much attention to showing him my love. Now I wish I had made more a point to express my heart to him. He deserves the best, where ever he is. "The only thing important dad is that you are happy. That's all."

Your loving daughter,
Carol

Caring for an Aging Senior

When I read stories about caring for aging relatives especially when the caregiver is a young mother, shows me the irony in caregiving roles. We contribute to another’s care to the point of losing our own good health, our peace, and ultimately our sense of well being. The question and concern for us is “how can we contribute to someone else when we have nothing left to give to ourselves?”

Family caregivers need to balance love, caregiving, and guilt. Close to 54 million Americans care for a disabled or sick family member, according to the 2006 survey conducted by Met Life. And although most bear the burden with love, social workers say caregiving is so demanding that most people feel inadequate. Yes, we do. Remembering the times caring for my mom as she waited in clinics to have her lung drained of fluids sorely reminds me just how inadequate I felt! Relieving her pain was my hope but my attempt to do so was extremely insufficient.

Beware of guilt, experts warn us. Eventually, such emotions can extract a heavy toll on the health of the caregiver -- and that hurts everyone involved.

Of all the emotional hurdles family caregivers face, including anger and resentment, guilt is the most pervasive, says Mimi Goodrich, a licensed clinical social worker at the Wellness Center in San Mateo, CA. “its right up there on the list. Caregivers feel it’s their obligation to make these years the happiest. But none of us has that power. When caregivers have expectations that are unrealistic, that’s when the guilt comes in.”

Ah, the truth in that statement by Goodrich brings me to the realization that I, as a caregiver, need to re-adjust my expectation level. But before I can do that, I must choose to care for myself first; making my life a priority! Who'd a thought?

Looking at my own family’s experience; my sister’s cholesterol is now higher due the stress of caring for our dad. Janice fills her life with dad’s day to day care requirements; overseeing the meds, naps, eating and his comfort. While I commend and praise her for the fabulous contribution she makes to his life, she is exhausted and stressed! There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t hear “I’m exhausted,” from her. Her recent physical exam shows that she has an increase in her cholesterol level, many times a symptom of stress.

Which reminds me what Pat Coleman, an elder care consultant, says about caring for an aging senior when asked what can caregivers do? Most importantly, turn to community programs and professional resources for help, as well as to family or friends. "Guilt is driven, in part, by the lack of access to information, especially during a crisis, It’s brought on by trying to get through the morass of needs and decisions and not knowing what supports and services are available. Often there hasn't been anyone there to tell us what we might need until we actually need it, so there's tremendous guilt in feeling we haven't done enough."

Family caregivers.. honor your deeds! You are earth angels, believe me!

BackUp Care for Employees

Did you know that more organizations are starting to use backup care? Employers are considering adding as a work/life benefit because it can reduce absenteeism due to child and family caregiving issues. They are providing temporary care solutions when regular care is not available or when unexpected situations arise. This will be a considerable value for working caregivers! Having an alternative care arrangement will be provided in a variety of settings, including dedicated care facilities, employee homes or the homes of employees’ distantly located family members. This employee benefit - backup care is one of the fastest growing benefits offered by employers.

According to the Society of Human Resource Management, unscheduled employee absenteeism affects most organizations. 25% of HR professionals (22%) reported that unscheduled employee absenteeism was a problem "to a large degree" and an additional 43% reported that it was a problem "to some degree."

Even though many U.S. employers offering backup care benefits, the majority of HR professionals reported that they were not at all awarae of backup care. Only 7% of respondents reported that they were very aware of backup care benefits. The good news, most HR professionals are interested in adding back up care benefits after reading about temporary care solutions and alternatives.

Hopefully, for the working family caregiver, the percentage of U.S. employers offering backup care benefits continue to grow in the coming years as recognition of the attributes of backup care arrangements increases.
Carol Marak, Founder, http://www.Workingcaregiver.com

Caregiving and Anger - A Paradox?

As a caregiver, no doubt you know you are doing a wonderful, loving thing in caring for your elder...and....do you ever feel anger? Are you ashamed of it? Do You feel resentful sometimes that you arrive to work late and must leave early to take care of it all? Is your relationship with your partner and/or children suffering?

Are there times you want to scream when thinking about the next errand you must run or the calls that need to get done on their behalf? Anger will be addressed here..we know that anger often goes with caregiving; but, rarely do we talk about it.

Guilt is a complex emotion that is often misattributed and more time than a few anger can be the driving force of guilt. The feeling, guilt, should stem from a wrongdoing, but all too often it grows from our desire to strive for a better quality of life when others around us are in great need. Even the delegation of tasks evokes guilt, as we come to believe no one can do the job as well as we can. Never forget what family caregiving is at its core, however: a combination of individual tasks. Getting your car inspected before the end of the month is not nearly as important as the pre-surgery consultation with the specialist. It is not wrong to delegate.

Let’s understand guilt. It’s the biggest emotional challenge you’ll face as a family caregiver. Guilt will rip away at the relationship ties you’ve built with the aging loved one and yourself. It’s painful and can certainly threaten your coping.

What is guilt? The dictionary defines the word "guilt" as a "feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined." Guilt is that part of the human conscience that brings us up short and convicts us for actions and thoughts.

Guilt is an inherent human trait that should be seen as a gift, however, most of us do not see it as such and rather than deal with guilt, we naturally attempt to squelch it. However, guilt is that nagging voice with in us all that is like water upon a stone and is meant to bring us to a realization that there is a standard and we have fallen short, but whose standard is it?

Let’s talk about anger! And even more important, let’s take positive steps to effectively address anger before we’re raked into the mad cycle of anger, guilt, anger, guilt, etc. This damages our health, peace of mind, and the joy we deserve to have in our lives.

Workingcaregiver.com invites you to our Caregiving and Anger TeleSeminar on June 5th:

In this one hour live teleseminar we'll discuss:

1. Trusting our own perceptions.
2. Accepting our anger.
3. Setting definite limits on what we will do.
4. Recognizing how both our strengths and limitations serve us.
5. Allowing our loved ones to do as much for themselves as they can.
6. Asking for help….the road is very tough to travel alone.
7. Taking time for respite. Rest and recovery is vital.
8. Making choices in our own best interest--it will benefit the entire family

Sign up at register@workingcaregiver.com

Hope you can join us! For more information go to: http://www.workingcaregiver.com/Teleseminar

Carol Marak, Founder, http://www.workingcaregiver.com

Caregiving Made Easy - A Survival Kit for New Caregivers

Preparing for the Caring Journey

I look back on the past six years spent caring for Mom and Dad-worrying myself incessantly, hoping for a miracle in vain, denying reality stubbornly. I think to myself: How could I have better prepared to brace this gut-wrenching time? My family passed up the plethora of Internet articles, books, magazines, and more that could have guided us in a healthier direction, something we yearned for once mom and dad fell ill. Today, I look to the internet for vital information. Others, like my sister, consult the volumes of books available. Really, it is your choice, but a wide variety of mediums will give you the most well-rounded perspective. Online training, teleclasses, and professional consultation are among the avenues available to you, the family caregiver. No method is superior to the other, but together they may equip you with the tools necessary to persevere.

Now you are the family caregiver, you have many options to help you deal with it. That’s what happened to me: an abrupt change-of-life role fell into my lap. For you, it may be slowly creeping in like an ominous storm, ready to descend upon you in full wrath. Whichever way it is or has happened, compassion is the key. I put mom’s needs in front
of my own, providing me enrichment and fulfillment on an unexpected and uncharted level.

The years pass, mistakes are made, lessons are learned. We fall in love, sometimes it fades. We embark on a career path, sometimes its intrinsic value dissolves. In life, the most crucial events entail the most potential heartbreak or the most profound happiness. I remember my father losing all his monetary assets in the late 1980s after his real estate investments faltered, throwing his entire livelihood into disarray. Life throws us curveballs. Always. Fortunately, we don’t always have to swing at them alone, instead we can join together and learn from one another so we can heal both our torn relationships and our conflicted selves.

It is totally normal to lose your identity as you begin to struggle with the daily requirements you are expected to satisfy as the family caregiver.. The role envelopes your whole being—you obsess over it, fight the guilt, wallow in the pain. Much of the time, your new position is more frightening than the initial diagnosis. I remember those years my father spent caring for his mother, perhaps because I spent that time without a father. I would see him on the porch many nights just staring into space. He was overwhelmed and scared. You do not have to be like him. You are not alone, and others need your help as much as you may need theirs.

Workingcaregiver.com can be your first step to a smoother, less stressful endeavor. Encouraging the acquisition of necessary information, it strives to help you better understand your loved one’s diagnosis and possible avenues of treatment. Arming yourself with these tools will quickly develop unequivocally strong and effective self-advocacy skills. Attaining quality healthcare must always be the primary goal and ultimate priority and, if this vision is maintained, a superior quality of life for all involved will be achieved.

Workingcaregiver.com will announce it’s Caregiving Made Easy book in the near future. What you’ll learn from our book:

How to be an advocate
Improving Doctor/Patient Communications
Learn how to better understand your elder’s illness
Empowerment for family caregivers
Protect your health
Dealing with stress
Overcome guilt
Reach out for respite
Tips on caring for elders
Safety tips

This book is all inclusive. If you find that you’re struggling with other topics and would like to learn more about dealing and living an easier caregiving life, please contact me by visiting http://www.workingcaregiver.com/ or simply send an email to carol@workingcaregiver.com.

Please know that I’ve been there. The road of caregiving is difficult, challenging and hard. Workingcaregiver.com has gathered many experts who are ready to make your role as a caregiver lighter.

When people hear "caregiver," they often think only of professional caregivers – nurses, nursing assistants, and home health aides. In fact, most caregivers are family members or friends. Caregivers are anyone who gives assistance to another adult who is ill, disabled, or needs some help. They may be the daughter who moves in with her ailing mother, the neighbor who stops by to check on an older friend, or the man who drives his mother-in-law to her doctor visits.

The caregiver may live in the same house, in a nearby town, or even in another state. The care may range from modest tasks to heavy-duty, round-the-clock assistance. And, while each person's experience is unique, this book consolidates tips to follow for common challenges that many new caregivers face.

Many people who don't think of themselves as "caregivers" are nevertheless providing regular ongoing care for older friends or relatives. The challenges they face can be daunting. But by being prepared and informed, caregivers can make it easier to meet their own and their loved ones' needs.

Wishing you the best!

WorkingCaregiver.com